Confidence and being authentically fabulous. → Confidence is key. We are living in a world where bias exists and people make assumptions about who you are supposed to be. I’ve had moments where I try to alter how I dress or how I wore my hair to make others feel comfortable. No more. I felt I needed to show up dressed like my male counterparts to win and close deals. As a result, I stopped wearing heels for a time, which are my favorite fashion accessory. I didn’t feel my best. The truth is, heels make me feel powerful. They help me ooze confidence. The allow me to stand tall and proud. So now I wear them, and I wear them proudly, no matter what anyone else might think.

How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.

As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Modupe Congleton.

As the Head of Inclusion, Diversity, and Equity for Amazon Web Services Sales and Marketing, Modupé Congleton plays a significant role in driving transformation initiatives that focus on building inclusive, diverse and equitable organizations. Before Amazon, Modupé served as the Head of Cisco Supply Chain Inclusion, Diversity and Workforce Strategy, where she launched a cultural revolution that increased the hiring of diverse talent, and established a diverse talent strategy modeled across Cisco Systems. Modupé holds a Bachelor of Arts in Mass Communications accompanied by numerous certifications in Organizational Leadership, Business Process Management, and Change Management.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood “backstory”?

I grew up in Raleigh, North Carolina, in a house with my mom, my dad, and three siblings. I’ve always considered myself to be a “kid of the South” — my favorite type of day growing up was any during which I could ride my bike outside for hours and hours, until the sun went down. When I think back on those times, I remember always having fun, and feeling free, and spending quality time with my brother and my cousins. And every single Sunday, no matter what, we all went to church. My favorite pastime ever, though, was making my mom and my grandmother laugh. I loved to do impersonations. I was often called Gilda Radner by family and friends. I still identify with that nickname today, actually. I always say that my value system is “love, laughter, and loyalty.“ The reason why ‘laughter’ is in there is because the world around us can feel so heavy, and sometimes you need a good chuckle in your belly to make all that darkness melt away. Things can feel better after a wonderful laugh. I’m pleased to say I passed my sense of humor to all of my children. Today, we still love to sit around and make each other crack up all day long.

Can you tell us the story about what led you to this particular career path?

My passion for Inclusion, Diversity & Equity is twofold: one part comes from my mom, and one part comes from my dad.

My mother is a very fair-skinned woman, with beautiful hazel eyes. We used to joke all the time that she was probably white, and in truth, growing up we genuinely didn’t know whether she was or not. She always looked different than her sister growing up, too. We found out later that she is indeed half white. As an adult, she told me about all her experience being bullied as a kid, and how she never really felt she fit in. We had conversations about racism in our lives all the time growing up — I remember sitting down one day, and having her tell me stories for her youth, saying of her time at school: “The bullying I faced on a daily basis just because of my race was horrific. Imagine walking down the school hallway, and people are yelling mean things at you. Calling you the n-word. Saying you’re dirty. And all I wanted to do is be there and fit in and learn without being harassed every single day.” Hearing her story solidified my desire to change the world, and make it a better place for everyone, no matter who they are or where they come from.

My father was a charismatic guy who lit up every room he stepped into. He was a community-minded entrepreneur, who used his platform for activism. His desire was ultimately to give the “little guy” a chance to tell their story. To do so, he started a neighborhood newspaper. It was called the Minority Voice News. He would get pictures taken of every Black person around town, taking photographs at church events, family reunions, and more, and turn them into beautiful collages to share in each edition of the paper. It was the first time a lot of these people had ever been featured in the news. He gave so many people that moment and that experience. Following that, he launched an AM radio station. He brought Black talk radio and Black gospel music to our local airwaves. He allowed members of the community to come and host a show. A local herb specialist would come one day, and then the next, a local preacher who was trying to build a congregation. I too became a disc jockey at the station, and started DJing at 12. Later in life, when my father got Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s and Diabetes, his spark, which had always shone so bright, began to fade. I had started getting involved in ID&E early in my career, and was incredibly passionate about it, but something about his illness accelerated something in me. It inspired me to be bolder, be stronger, and fight harder. It was an “aha“ moment for me — I realized that I was the extension of my father’s legacy and would represent him after he was gone.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

A moment I will never, ever forget is the time I decided to stop hiding the fact that I was a single mom in corporate America. When I started my career at Cisco 15+ years ago, I was in a sales executive program. I took the job shortly after becoming a mom, not realizing that the typical person in that role was a young adult, fresh out of college. The first time we all gathered together, I saw that I was one of very few Black people in the program, and the majority of the program were young white professionals that probably hadn’t even considered having children yet. I went months without telling anyone I had kids, because I didn’t want to get singled out or miss out on opportunities. Finally, one day, I was presenting something in front of the entire cohort — probably 200 people — and I mentioned that I was a mom. I said, “when you are all staying up studying after work, I’m rushing home to get my kids ready for school the next day and then getting ready for bed.” They were shocked. A colleague told me years later that I “gave them permission to be moms and to not be ashamed of it.” Those are the types of small moments that can change people’s outlook on life and on work for the better.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Resiliency

Normally, when you think about being resilient, it’s in the vein of having had to rebound from something and having had to pull yourself back up. I had a moment like that in my career, right when I returned from maternity leave. I was a new mom after my children were older — I have four daughters, now aged 29, 26, 24, and 8. There’s a big gap between 24 and 8, so you can imagine what I went through during that time. Long before I worked at Amazon, when I got pregnant with my now 8-year-old, I had been in the workforce for some time. I was a top performer, and I often found myself wondering if I would still be one when I came back from leave. When I returned to the office, I was told by my manager that I was required to be rated lower than my other colleagues because I had not been back in my office seat for the same amount of time as other people. The real conversations around equality and equity weren’t happening to the same degree then that they are now. I broke down crying. I was devastated by the fact that I was going to be penalized for having a baby and marked as low performer. I never wanted to allow this to happen again. I focused on being strategic in every aspect of my career, and was determined to make the best experience out of my work. When I became a senior leader, I broke the cycle by making made sure no one that reported to me ever went through anything like that.

Drive and Ambition

“Driven” describes who I am. I’m inspired by great women all around me. I’m inspired by my mother and my grandmother, and without them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. An incredible moment for me happened the night I saw Michelle Obama walk on stage when President Obama was announced as our new president. That truly changed things for me. As a 5’10“ curvy woman myself, seeing her step on that stage in all of her brown-skinned splendor with her head held high inspired me so much that I genuinely began to dream bigger. I knew I could be whatever I wanted, because she was. She represented so much more than just being the president’s wife. Seeing myself represented on a global stage like that gave me fresh hope and motivation.

Curiosity

I am obsessed with understanding why things are the way they are. Throughout my career, one of the things I became known for was being a catalyst for improvement. A strength assessment finder described me as “an activator and bright light that has the ability to start chain reactions and effect change.” This is the perfect descriptor for me. If I am going to lead with integrity to courageously inspire people to change, I have to be curious. I have to get to the root cause of why things are how they are. constantly seeking knowledge and feeding my brain every moment of the day. It’s important especially as a diversity leader to be fascinated by everybody’s unique journey and story. How did people get to where they are? How did someone become closed off to those different than them, or the opposite — ready to talk, greet, hug, everyone no matter who they are? My curiosity is one of the reasons I’m able to connect with anyone, anywhere, never having to compromise on being my authentic self.

The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?

I think it’s threefold. So many people in this world feel uncomfortable with strong women because there are still chauvinistic aspects of society that people don’t want or aren’t ready to discuss. For instance, how the media and entertainment industry portrays women. We also have a skewed definition of what strong means that is still determined from a man’s perspective. Ask five different people how they define “strong woman” and they’d come back with five different answers. And, lastly, we still walk around with unconscious bias of women overall. That bias shows up in a way that makes people uncomfortable. And we don’t talk about it. We all show up with our biases first, versus showing up being open and seeking to understand. There’s a lot of work to be done — but I have faith that things can and will change.

Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?

I’m tall — 5'10'“ — but I love me a good pair of stiletto heels. Four or five inches is ideal, and if they are designer, all the better. Wearing shoes like that puts me at 6'2”. You can imagine being in a meeting or in a room with men, some perhaps more vertically-challenged, and some around the same height as me. Now imagine these types of questions coming at you in a professional setting:” “Why do you wear heels? Are you trying to intimidate us? Is it a power thing?” I’ve heard all that, and worse. It seems that there is something about my presence, and then adding even more height on top, that might cause others to think of me as too strong and too bold. As a tall, black woman, my power walks in the room when I hit the door. I show up in my authentic self. That can be seen as too bold, or too strong, and it can rub people the wrong way. But in truth, I’ve done the work to show up however I want. I’ve got the goods to back it up.

What should a powerful woman do in a context where she feels that people are uneasy around her?

It’s hard to say what each individual should do, but here is what I would do based on my personality type. I am direct. I want to have the conversation and open up the floor with the hopes of effecting change, because there is nothing worse than being in a room or in a space with people who you can tell are uncomfortable. It’s human nature to ask yourself: “Is it me? Is it the way I look?” in those situations. If you don’t address it directly, you start to make assumptions, and making assumptions can take you down so many rabbit holes and leave you thinking the worst about yourself and the person you’re interacting with. Address it directly, and figure out the way to move on correctly. Being direct can be intimidating at times so if you feel you have to, adjust your communication style to have a non-aggressive conversation. Be direct, but with grace. On a more general level, I always recommend women read these two texts: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom and Women Who Think Too Much. Both give practical tips for navigating personal relationships and relationships in the workplace.

What do we need to do as a society to change the unease around powerful women?

Everyone needs to lean into understanding what unconscious bias is, and what it really means. Unconscious bias shows up in everything we do. It’s prejudiced in favor or against a thing, person, or group. We should truly just sit with ourselves and think about what biases we have. I personally know that I have multiple unconscious biases. We have to be willing to recognize them in order to begin the work of disrupting them. If someone in this society is uncomfortable around women that speaks to a deeper issue. If you are uncomfortable around women, that says something about how you might feel about other groups, too. It’s important for those new to addressing their own personal biases that they don’t automatically go to a place of shame once they’ve recognized them. Instead, go to a place of self-reflection and self-exploration and ask how these biases might be showing up across different parts of your life. Only then can you grow.

In my own experience, I have observed that often women have to endure ridiculous or uncomfortable situations to achieve success that men don’t have to endure. Do you have a story like this from your own experience? Can you share it with us?

I was at a conference one time, and was the only Black woman in a room of all white men. I was the newcomer and everyone else had been there before and also known each other for years. At first, I tried to go and make small talk, but quickly I realized that despite my efforts to seem friendly and engaging, I had not even gotten one single question back. I reached a point where I gave up, disengaged and got really quiet. A man turned to me and said: “I noticed you’ve gotten really quiet — are you feeling insecure?” My reply was: ”No, I’ve just gone inward for a moment. But I find it really interesting that you see my silence as insecurity.“ I seriously doubt a man in my situation would have endured either the lack of conversational reciprocation or the question about feeling insecure.

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by women leaders that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?

When most people describe a woman as being bold and being direct, what they really mean is that she is unapproachable. I’ve heard the phrase “catty” tossed around, as well, to describe women in leadership positions. This misconception and narrative is certainly contributing to keeping women away from the seats at the proverbial table. There’s also the pervasive idea that women belong at home with the children, versus in positions of power in the corporate world. I had a woman tell me that she was interviewing for a job in Hong Kong, and her interviewer told her he assumed that she was moving to Hong Kong because her boyfriend got a job there — not that she just wanted to move there or that her ambitions might have brought her there. The assumption too often is that the number one priority for women is to get married or have kids, but that’s not everyone’s journey. Whether a woman wants a family or not should have zero bearing on their success in the workforce or others’ perceptions of them, period.

Shifting in a slightly different direction. This is a question that nearly everyone with a job has to contend with:

Was it difficult to fit your personal and family life into your business and career? For the benefit of our readers, can you articulate precisely what the struggle was?

At times it was difficult to fit my personal life into my career. I worried sometimes that if I had to step away or miss a meeting, I would set myself back somehow or catch negative attention at work. Striking a balance eventually got easier as the years went on. I eventually mastered the skill of time management, and learned to — above all else — put family first. As I matured, as a woman and as a professional, I became more and more comfortable always resting on my value system. It’s like a muscle that you build up over time. The more times you flex that muscle, the stronger it becomes, and you build muscle memory. By practicing putting what’s most important to you first, you perfect the art of it, and even if you mess up or fail at it a few times, your muscle memory knows to kick in to help you quickly adjust if you need to.

What was a tipping point that helped you achieve a greater balance or greater equilibrium between your work life and personal life? What did you do to reach this equilibrium?

The tipping point for me was when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Despite the massive importance of that moment and the fear I felt at the thought of losing her forever, I was still so worried about failing at work. I remember taking a conference call from the hospital while my mother was meeting with her oncologist across the room, and how truly awful I felt later about missing something of such critical importance to my family. Afterward, I sat in the car and cried like a baby. I said to myself: “Never again.” I called upon an old mentor for advice, and he told me that he missed out on the opportunity to say goodbye to his dad because he was so obsessed with his career that he refused to miss a meeting. He told me it was one of his biggest regrets. “The work will be there,” he told me. “For you, for your daughters, and for your mother, it’s critical right now for you to be present.” When my dad got Alzheimer’s, I drove an hour each day to make sure he knew I was there for him. Still to this day, I set hard boundaries. Every single day, I pick up my youngest daughter from school, no matter what is going on at work. To reach this equilibrium, simply put, I make it happen. I work hard, but I will shut it down and make sure I spend time with my family, and when I’m with them, I’m 100% present.

In your role as a powerful woman and leader, how much of an emphasis do you place on your appearance? Do you see beauty as something that is superficial, or is it something that has inherent value for a leader in a public context? Can you explain what you mean?

Let me first say that the way I define beauty or beautiful may be different than how someone else does, but yes, beauty is something I value and is important to me. My first brush with beauty came from spending time with my mom. She always looked like a movie star to me when I was a kid — I thought she was so glamorous. I never realized how much that impacted me, but to this day, I love getting dolled up and truly, that’s when I feel at my best. I’m at my most powerful when I’m wearing an amazing outfit, I’ve had a facial, and I have on lip gloss and blush and the perfect highlight. You’d think the opposite would be true during the pandemic and that I’d care less about my appearance when I’m not going into the office, but being virtual all the time and on video calls has actually only heightened this for me. With virtual meetings, you end up looking at yourself — albeit, in a tiny square on your screen — all day. If my hair isn’t done, or I didn’t take a second to put on a nice shirt, it effects how I feel about myself. I think that we should all do whatever it takes for us to feel our best so we can put our best foot forward. Beauty and self-representation and showing up for yourself is personal to each of us. It’s not only in the eye, but the heart of the beholder.

How is this similar or different for men?

The expectations of appearance and beauty is very different for men than for women. There is unconscious bias that uniquely affects women. The expectations of men to look a certain way is no where near the burden women have on them, that remains true across industry, generation, and geography. It’s just a fact.

Based on your opinion and experience, what are the “Five Things You Need To Thrive and Succeed as a Powerful Woman?” (Please share a story or example for each.)

Confidence and being authentically fabulous. → Confidence is key. We are living in a world where bias exists and people make assumptions about who you are supposed to be. I’ve had moments where I try to alter how I dress or how I wore my hair to make others feel comfortable. No more. I felt I needed to show up dressed like my male counterparts to win and close deals. As a result, I stopped wearing heels for a time, which are my favorite fashion accessory. I didn’t feel my best. The truth is, heels make me feel powerful. They help me ooze confidence. The allow me to stand tall and proud. So now I wear them, and I wear them proudly, no matter what anyone else might think.

Staying humble. → Being willing to admit you don’t know everything is critical. The real humility is knowing how to build teams around you, and building a team that knows what you need to know as a team in order to be successful. Recognize what you don’t know, but also acknowledge what you do know and that you deserve to be here. Humility and confidence go hand in hand. Someone can be humble, but that does not equal being inferior. That is the real message.

The ability to communicate. → People make assumptions about how women and people of color should sound when they communicate verbally. There are also assumptions that are made when you think about how people should communicate overall. I think that no matter who you are, where you’re from, the ability to communicate clearly and effectively is extremely important. That is a skill that is learned, and it’s an art, not a science. You have to learn how to cater your presentation based on the audience. I’ve often heard that communicating is 70% how you look, 20% how you sound, and only 10% what you say. If you know your audience and can predict how you’ll come across to them, you’ve won half the battle before you even step on stage.

An air of gravitas. → Gravitas to me is “that thing” that only some people have — that “x factor” you can’t quite put your finger on that leaves a lasting impression in its wake. You don’t know what it is about that person, but you know for a fact they come off bold and strong. That to me is true gravitas. After a presentation where I really felt I knocked it out of the park, I had a colleague tell me: “You communicate directly, but you do it with grace. Way to drop the mic.” Gravitas is not arrogance or conceit: it’s being able to stand boldly in your power and be sure of who you are.

Above all else, integrity. → I truly believe that no one can compromise my integrity. Nothing is important enough for me to compromise my integrity or not be honest about how I walk through life. Above all else, this is simply because I have daughters that I need to stay a role model for. I know that if I operate with low integrity, that will show up in all other aspects of my life, and I refuse to do it. One of the definitions of integrity is the state of being whole and undivided. I’m living my life for myself, but also for my daughters and my mother and my grandmothers. I am always looking up to make them proud, and I know too that my daughters are looking up at me.

We are fortunate that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them.

My number one answer was already mentioned in this article — Michelle Obama is a top influence for me, and has inspired me in so many ways over the years. I’ll never forget how I felt when she walked out on stage all the way back in 2008 on election night. Michelle, if you’re reading this, let’s grab lunch!

Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this.

Authority Magazine

Power Women: Modupe Congleton of Amazon Web…